I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
