We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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