you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
