??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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