yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
