fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Someone signed my nipple.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
