i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
