I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
