when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You ate ashes out of my bong
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
