did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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