My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
