my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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