M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
