a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?