well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference