my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
