What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face