fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
