is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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