Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast