with your own penis?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize