Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Terrible idea I love it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
