Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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