He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
