Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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