Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
