my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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