I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
