hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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