i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
