get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
