garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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