i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
