Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
last night I used snow as a chaser
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