Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
