And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
