Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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