you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
