she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
