So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
