awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
