I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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