Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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