I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
