Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
