Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
