So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
