cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
