The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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