News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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