He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
