You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
