apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
