We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you never un-have a 4some
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
