he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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