He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
