You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
