i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
accomplished twins. life is a go
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
