i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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