Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
