Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
