what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
