Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.