capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college