Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.