First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
