he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
