She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
