Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
