My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
