dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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