Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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