you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
