I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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