i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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