after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
