Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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