i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
